It may start out as a thought, “If only I could be perfect, then my life would be better.” A small thought, with the potential to grow into a disastrous spiral of consuming thoughts and worry. Smarter, faster, stronger, flawless, perfect. For example, some students strive for straight A’s, to be class president, or to do the perfect handstand. We buy into the lies our inner critic is telling us, and push ourselves to work harder and be the best. We reach our goals yet they don’t seem to be good enough, our expectations grow and the cycle continues. This is the birth of perfectionism.
What is Perfectionism?
In order to combat perfectionism, we must first understand it. The monster that is perfectionism distorts our thinking into believing that we will not feel inferior if we achieve to the highest degree possible. The problem with this thinking is that soon nothing seems to be good enough.
The definition of perfectionism is refusing to accept any standard short of perfect. However, it is a part of human nature to make mistakes. Perfectionism disguises itself as the path to a better life, but can instead be a path to unhappiness.
Perfectionism is a real problem that can lead to increased anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and other symptoms to deal with toxic stress. Evidence of this problem is seen frequently in the news. For example, Simone Biles, an Olympic gymnast, recently withdrew from the Tokyo Olympics in the summer of 2021 to protect her mental health. Tennis player Naomi Osaka also withdrew from the French Open and Wimbledon to care for her mental health.
These bold moves, but strong, achieving, and capable women, set the tone for how the world views and responds to mental health challenges. It dismantles the idea that we must work beyond exhaustion and instead highlights the importance of doing what’s best for ourselves.
How do I let go of Perfectionism?
In a society that holds success in terms of materialistic gains and self-promotion, perfectionism often goes unnoticed and can be highly regarded and reinforced by the adults in our lives. Unlike other problems, this makes recognizing and solving perfectionism even more difficult. In order to combat this issue, we must first fully recognize this beast for what it is and notice when it’s getting out of hand.
Dr. Brené Brown, speaker, and author is famous for her core belief in the power of vulnerability. In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, describes this phenomena:
“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgement, and blame.”
We use perfectionism as a way to escape these normal, human feelings and run away from vulnerability instead of embracing it. When people feel shame they think there is something wrong with them and therefore feel they do not deserve human connection.
On the flip side, in order for connection to happen, we must practice being vulnerable. It is basic human nature to want a strong sense of love and belonging. Being vulnerable means experiencing wholehearted worthiness. It takes true courage to be imperfect. What makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful. Vulnerability is the start of true joy.
Yoga and meditation are tremendously helpful to deal with perfectionism. People stuck in perfectionistic thinking are worried about the future. Yoga and meditation help you remain in the present. On our yoga mats, we learn to practice being vulnerable and making mistakes in a safe and healthy way. Your yoga practice doesn’t have to be elaborate, maybe just 10 minutes of movement and meditation (check out our Instagram for some pose inspiration!) and follow it up with 5-10 minutes of journaling and intention-setting for the day.
People believe success and perfectionism go hand-in-hand. The opposite of success is not failure. In fact, embracing failure is an important part of being successful. Thinking about failure and mistakes as learning opportunities, helps us understand why it didn't work out, plan to do better, and most importantly try again.
Written by Julia Miller